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quitter
By heather | September 20, 2007
Today I quit my job. For those of you who talked me through the dark, dark days of post-maternity-leave-my-life-is-meaningless-if-can’t-stay-home and are wondering if I’ve lost my damn mind, I DID get another one before I quit.
Lucky for me I have decent skillz (not just yoga skillz and blogging skillz either) that meant I didn’t have to expend a significant effort looking for a new job, because lately I spend all my time blogging, reading other people’s blogs, and chasing my child around taking pictures with the intention of posting them on the blog.
Bettering myself just does not fit into my busy schedule. (Is there a help group or 12 steps or something for bloggies that this happens to? I know I’m not alone…am I?)
Some things you should know. I am the type of person who doesn’t plan to stay at my job for longer than two years. While I am in-processing I am wondering if I asked for enough money and should I keep my resume out there. I change jobs so often that friends (except Kira, who totally gets me on this) chuckle at my lack of company loyalty while secretly raising an eyebrow.
So often that I have 5 separate 401Ks and have not even been out of college 10 years (and am also astonishingly lazy to not bother to roll these dumb things together. What usually happens is that by the time I get around to rolling the dough, I’m looking for a new job so I really don’t see the point and procrastination pays off yet again).
My husband has worked for the same company since college. This to me is as unfathomable as changing my own tire when I get a flat – it JUST. ISN’T. DONE.
So anyway I got a new one, which by now comes as a surprise to NO ONE. I stressed for 2 days over the reaction I would get when I gave my notice, and dreaded it, which makes no sense because obviously I should be a pro at it by now. My book-on-CD that I’m currently listening to on my drive (which will soon be 15 minutes shorter – yay!) is The Lipstick Jungle, by Candace Bushnell of Sex and the City fame (Miss, I agree with you – I also miss Carrie!) and you know how sometimes through fate or karma or whatever, things that you do just APPLY to you? As if they are written to speak directly to whatever you’re going through and tell you what to do?
The recurring theme in this book is “It’s just business.” Which I reminded myself of everytime I stressed about quitting. Then I started thinking about why it was so hard this time around. I have never loved this job, not even from day 1. As a matter of fact, the first week I kind of felt like I’d been suckered because it wasn’t at all what I thought I’d signed up for. So why was I sad and stressed over quitting?
But then I started thinking that these were the people who saw me every day as I went from not pregnant, to accidentally pregnant, to pregnant and sick, to pregnant and saucy (refusing to wear flats and instead balancing as if I were a Weeble on a teeter totter while wearing 3 inch heels and stretchy skirts), to then just pregnant and huge.
These are the people who I yelled at and who I coldly informed that “If you heartily ask me one more time why I haven’t dropped that baby yet, or ask me one more f-ing time when I’d due and then tell me that first babies are always late I will climb over that cube wall and kill you.”
These are the people who called Alex “Mortimer” because I couldn’t decide on a name, and to this day there are still people I work with who think that really is his name. My cube mates (3 guys who you are unlikely to find perusing the aisles at Babies R’ Us) went together and bought us our baby monitor, because it was the most “technical” thing on our registry and was one of the most touching presents I received, just because it was so unexpected.
I have a picture of the cubies and me standing sideways showing off our bellies – mine baby, the others pot. When I delivered, the email that went out announced “Mortimer’s engineering specs”. They were supportive as I freaked out post-partum and let me work from home for a while which was the ONLY thing that kept me from losing my mind.
I expected to celebrate Alex’s first birthday and be able to share the baba-drama with these guys. There are three people that work there that have the same birthday as me, including my good friend Megan, and I expected to be able to go to our celebratory lunch that I missed last year because my birthday is 2 weeks after Alex’s.
So now as I finish slurping the mojito that Brett made me (which means it’s too strong and I’m drunk and nostalgia courses through my veins like the rum in my drink) and tears slowly run down my cheeks, I wonder what it is that drives me to always be looking for more, to push harder, to make more money. Some people would say I’m getting sentimental over a job and that “it’s just business”.
But for the first time, I’m leaving people who saw me grow and change and work through what has so far been the hardest, darkest, brightest, fastest, and by far the most defining moments of my life. They wished me all the best and were more supportive than I could have hoped for.
It’s not always just business.
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