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potty mouth
By heather | September 28, 2007
I just came from the bathroom at work. (I know…way to turn people off with the first sentence.) In the bathroom at work, we have a legion of folks who I like to lovingly refer to as the cell-phone-sitters (add an h and it becomes a double pun. Ha).
Now honestly, when you go through the address book on your phone, how many people in there would you be comfortable talking to whilst taking a crap? Your parents? Your spouse? Your doctor’s office? Apparently in this world of government employees, there are a hell of a lot of women who do everything from fire the babysitter to make doctors appointments to have fights with their husbands, because I have heard all of the above and then some.
There was also the woman explaining her disgusting dog problems to someone I sincerely hope was her vet.
There was also the woman chatting to her doctor’s office, describing symptoms of a little “infection” she had. (Quarantine the commode!)
Throughout all these conversations the talker was locked in the stall, takin’ care of bidness at the same time. Does this happen everywhere??
The thing I don’t understand is that cell phones are ALLOWED just about everywhere in the building. And the parking lot. AND YOUR CAR FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SO YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO KEEP YOUR PERSONAL BUSINESS PERSONAL. Right? Or does no one care anymore? Am I overreacting? Does this happen in the men’s room? And why increase the odds of drowning your phone? I am so clutzy that my phone and coffee have a dividing line down my desk, like two kids that have to share a room.
I SOOOO want to pretend I’m puking. Loudly, the way you do after a long night of tequila shots. Or bad oysters. And then listen to see if the talker has to explain what the heck that noise was and where she is to the person on the other end. Would you make something up? “Oh just a car crash, yeah I’m outside.” or “Yeah there’s this crazy person running by me screaming and waving a frying pan?” Or be honest? “I’m in the bathroom, yah just finished, and there’s ugh, someone sick in the stall next to me.”
I guess you could argue that a blog is the online equivalent of putting your personal stuff out there (ahem! watch out for my glass house!). But reading a blog is a choice you the reader make because you like the subject, or need reassurance that you aren’t the only one who feels like you’re about to lose it, or just have a voyeuristic nature. Hearing the personal business of someone I have to look in the eye, especially knowing what they were doing while they conducted it just creeps me out.
It’s annoying, but I listen anyway. I’m nosy like that. And your takeaway today is: don’t borrow other people’s cellphones. You never know where they’ve been.
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