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happy birthday baby
By heather | October 18, 2007
This entry was previously unpublished.
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Warning: Unless you are 1. a mom, or 2. related to me, this entry will likely make you roll your eyes. Even if you are 1 or 2 it may still make your teeth hurt. Feel free to skip me today. Go see someone else in my sidebar.
Dear Alex,
You turn a year old today. You won’t remember much about your first year but I will.
As we were getting ready to leave for the hospital, the hot water heater burst and flooded the garage at 6am, making us let for our scheduled induction.
The ride to the hospital was surreal and I was terrified when labor started. And then thought it wasn’t so bad. And then turned white and nearly threw up on your dad with the pain, because with you and I both being impatient by nature, our labor was no different and you were born less than 5 intense hours after we checked in.
Remember driving home from the hospital, at new-parent speed feeling like every car that came at us was going to run us off the road? Of course not, you slept through it all and most of the first month. I didn’t though, because I was terrified you weren’t going to wake up so I watched over you and snuck into your room to make sure your breath was steady.
The first time you smiled at me I cried. And when you laughed it was even better. As you discovered your laugh it turned from a heh-heh into a deep baby chortle that makes strangers turn around in stores. At your first Christmas, we spent hours trying to capture your footprint and handprint in clay only to learn that in order to press hard enough to get the image I had to feel like I was crushing your delicate, tiny bones.
Going back to work was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The first day back it was pouring, pounding down rain – as if the weather and the universe were telling me it wasn’t right. As I drove away from daycare that first day I calculated how many hours in the week I would get to spend with you and found it lacking.
But as you grew up this first year, I realized that Miss S and her family love you almost as much as I do. I still miss you all day, but I know you’re having fun with people you love and who love you.
You were the only one there to see it the day I gave myself a concussion, in your car seat facing backwards as I closed the hatchback of the Pathfinder on the bridge of my nose. Somehow I got you in the house before I started falling down.
You have the best hair. Baby fuzz. No matter what I did for the first 9 months of your life it stuck straight up and out in all directions. Then I turned around and it was brushing your eyes and curling on your neck.
I cried when you got your first teeth, the day after you turned 6 months.
I really wanted you to roll over, and sit up, and crawl. Now I wish I hadn’t been so anxious because you’re not as content to let me hold you and stare into your eyes anymore. Our naps together are good enough but I wonder how long those will last? Not long enough I fear.
All of a sudden, I understand how hard it is to discipline someone that you love so much when what I really want to do is clap with amazement as you discover your world, or laugh at your expression as the outlet cover comes off in your hand when I turned around for one second.
I always called you Baby-oh because of this book. After today, technically you aren’t a baby anymore. Toddle-oh doesn’t sound the same. I want time to slow down because I feel like I’m missing it all.
Happy Birthday Baby-oh.
Love,
Mommy
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February 20th, 2008 at 12:36 am
Awww, I teared up
And as I mentioned in my latest post, I don’t do that much any more…
Such a sweet letter. You have printed this out and are saving it for him, right?