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home overrun by giant spiders
By heather | November 5, 2007
A local family is homeless today after a gang of giant spiders overran their house, ate their cat, and set up camp in front of their brand new widescreen television. Investigators suspect the spider invasion was retribution for a cleaning spree last month, that resulted in the evisceration of nearly 50 smaller spiders that had been living in the kitchen window.
Despite state and local officials reassurances that there is little to no gang activity in the area, our blogger reporter spoke with some neighbors who feel differently.
"I tell you what, this neighborhood ain’t what it used to be, people can’t feel safe in they houses for fear o’these giant spiders spinnin’ webs! I seen a web yesterday that went from the bushes to the roof! Now you tell me how I’m supposed to walk to my car without getting caught in that mess and getting web all up in my hair? How’m I supposed to raise a child like this?"
The giant spiders have been spotted in numerous areas around the house, spinning webs large enough to catch a deer.
"Gi-normous spider parked menacingly in front of the house."
Donations are being accepted for philosophy skin care products and fuzzy slippers to help the family through this difficult time.
In other news, a young boy’s game of Bowling With Little People was disrupted by protestors. The Plastic Little People In The Kitchen (PLPINK) objected to being called Little, and were lobbying for softer digs on the carpet as well as a name change to Small Statured People In The Playroom (SSPINP).
"Honestly small-statured Hawaiian girl, couldn’t you stay up at least long enough to take the picture?!"
Lest you think I’ve invented an entirely new brand of crazy, this post is a response to the Monday Mission to write a post as a news story.
Topics: writing challenges |