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bigfoot shops at the gap
By heather | November 19, 2007
This weekend the whole family ventured to the outlet mall. Whereas most outlet malls are shopping mirages in gigantic deserts of parking lot, and if you park on the outskirts of the lot its a good mile to the store, this outlet mall is the opposite. It has the parking equivalent of your driveway.
Around the holidays, do not attempt to go to the outlet mall past 10:30am because you will not find parking. You will circle the lot and as you inch along, notice someone walking to their car and start to stalk them.
Then get close enough only to find there is someone else coming the other way, already with their blinker on and you will have the insane urge to bumper car them for the space. I get annoyed just writing about it and we got there early enough that we didn’t even have that problem.
Thanks to this trip I cringe at the thought of any sort of mall shopping environment anywhere until February. The Stride Rite store was filled with pushy parents and whiny kids all squeezing around each other in aisles as wide as a doorway.
There was a line 6 deep to get kids measured or pay for shoes, or basically even TURN AROUND and I can’t even begin to describe the chaos. Because I am a control freak, I don’t respond well to chaos like that. As soon as Alex got measured, I turned to Brett and said, "Let’s go, it’s worth it to me to pay $5 damn dollars more and buy online without the hassle."
We head to the Gap. Same chaos, except the Gap Outlet is bigger so I had a little breathing space. (And also a 30% off coupon which gave me the strength and fortitude I needed to power through the crowd using the stroller as a battering ram.)
We knocked out half our Christmas shopping and as I was standing in line to pay I have to tell you what I saw – foot gloves (apparently toe socks is the official name as I learned when I googled these things – I will continue to call them foot gloves because I think it’s more appropriate so take that…um…sock makers? Yeah.) I’ve seen these things in stores but never ON anyone before, I didn’t think anyone actually purchased them.
Now I’m all for wearing flip flops. In a fun, funky color or stripey pattern, I could even maybe, maybe get behind the foot gloves with flip flops in November although personally, I think I would be driven nuts by the STUFF being between my toes. I can’t even wear toe rings. So…
Dear Fellow Gap Outlet Shopper,
Although it may not be my place, I must save you from yourself and offer you this piece of fashion advice.
You cannot wear BROWN fuzzy foot gloves with flip flops, especially when you have brown hair because girlfriend – you look like an ape. Or a hobbit. Or a man. Go look at this link and then come back and tell me that is not just creepy. If you look at them in green they look like Shrek feet. Purple, Barney. Blue – Smurf. There is no good color.
I was so disturbed by your feet that I tried to take a picture of you with my phone but I was too far away and had too much stuff to pretend to drop something and get down there.
You reminded me of those men who look like they are wearing a brown fuzzy sweater when they are really topless. If you want to be comfortable shopping and don’t care how ugly your feet look, then get yourself a pair of Crocs already.
Sincerely,
Disgruntled Outlet Mall Bargain Whore
PS – I was wearing high-heeled boots TYVM and I may have had crunched toes but I looked GREAT.
Topics: shopping capers, unsolicited advice | No Comments »
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