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flashbacks
By heather | March 21, 2008
pregnancy and I
we do not get on so well
heartburn - it burns me
Things I Forgot About Pregnancy That I Am Just Now Remembering:
- If you spill coffee on yourself, it doesn’t just go in your lap. It gives you an awesome stain in the shape of Florida on your huge boobs and a South American, or at least Chile-shaped stain on your big belly. (Although come to think of it, maybe this one also applies to potbellied men. Justice!)
- Maternity clothes that fit one week will not fit you the next.
- Constantly having to pee.
- Constant hunger followed by…
- Omnipotent heartburn.
- Not being able to cross your legs and being forced to sit like a man with your knees apart. I can still cross, but when I had to pick up my leg and move it the other day a little bell went off that said “Ding ding! Enjoy it while you can!“
- Jealous envy of new spring clothes. So pretty! So frilly! Because you can’t wear frills or fun prints. You wear black, because it’s slimming. Har har.
- The thirst for a summer margarita the first time the temperature gets above 70 degrees, which you won’t be partaking in.
- Sushi…see previous.
- Nesting. I would have little flurries of cleaning and organizing, which culminated four days before Alex was born with me moving all the appliances in the laundry room including the fridge and washer so I could scrub the walls and woodwork and floors with bleach. BLEACH! This time I would definitely like to nest, but I’m so damn tired I clean out my purse instead.
- Did I mention heartburn? I heart Tums.
New to this pregnancy:
- People constantly asking me if I read the study about coffee and pregnancy and miscarriages. Yes, I fucking read it, and you are the 50th person to ask me and NO I HAVE NOT GIVEN UP COFFEE SO DON’T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE.
- More fat in different places.
Oh all right. I suppose I could stop whining. There are a few good things, like…
- Baby kicks
- Decorating the nursery - in purple!
- Getting to dodge things “because you’re pregnant” that you don’t really want to do anyway
- Showers (not water - baby, duh)
- The miracle of new life?
- Umm…
Somebody remind me of some other good things. If I open my mouth, heartburn flames will shoot out like a dragon, I swear.
Haiku Friday is brought to you by Le Binky Bitch over at Playgroups Are No Place For Children. Go play!
Topics: haiku, lists!, pregnancy |
March 21st, 2008 at 7:31 am
con: strangers touching my belly without permission… ewwwww!
pros: great skin, great boobs, and for me, i felt fantastic!!
transplanting me’s last blog post..field trips on thailand are just more educational
March 21st, 2008 at 8:44 am
Ugh… I feel your pain. I had the worst heartburn.
I ended up putting a rolled up duvet under the mattress at my side of the bed so I could comfortably sit up and sleep. It helped some, as did Tums and Club Soda.
Good luck!
Scylla’s last blog post..Haiku Friday
March 21st, 2008 at 9:19 am
Gotta love strangers and all their “helpful” advice! Just so you know, my doc told me that 2 cups of coffee a day is not a problem. Woo-hoo!
Kathryn’s last blog post..Birthday Boy
March 21st, 2008 at 10:25 am
sorry about the heartburn. but… this too shall pass!
janet’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: the rant and rave edition
March 21st, 2008 at 1:57 pm
The best thing is the baby kicks! I love being pregnant for those!!
Tums is your friend, too..
Secret Agent Mama’s last blog post..Haiku Friday
March 21st, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Ok. I ask for a picture of that nursery and a belly pic. ASAP.
Miss’s last blog post..Stuff Portrait Friday is Back!!!
March 21st, 2008 at 8:17 pm
What about the involuntary groans. Lean over? Groan. Sit down? Groan. Stand up? Groan.
No better way to feel 84 than to be pregnant!
Happy Haiku Friday
Jenni’s last blog post..Haiku Good Friday
March 25th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
Yeah that whole caffeine free business? For the birds. My doc said two cups of coffee a day is fine. He also said sushi once a week was fine too. I know sushi is a much more controversial one so do what you think is best.
skiplovey’s last blog post..Mr. Crap-nap-u-less