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parenting 101
By heather | April 18, 2008
Today’s lesson: POOP
Lesson 1: If you determine with near certainty based on a red, red face that your child is going to poop in the tub, you have two options. You can let them poop in the tub, or you can yank them out and attempt to get a diaper on before it falls.
(Oh no! The shame! The humiliation!)
Lesson 2: If you opt to yank them out, you will most likely fail to get the diaper on in time. This will result in:
- Poop on the floor and bathmat.
- Continued pooping in the towel.
- Some poop will fall out of the towel onto the hardwood floor as you walk from the bathroom to the changing table.
Lesson 3: Baby poop is the exact same color as hardwood flooring.
Lesson 4: You likely will not notice the poop that has fallen to the hardwood because of the screaming and the rush to get to the changing table where the diapers live.
Lesson 5: Someone will step in the camouflaged poop, this ruining a perfectly good pair of socks.
Lesson 6: The socks will not wipe all the poop off the floor, leaving residue for someone else to step in a few minutes later with a bare foot.
Lesson 7: Do not then plunge the bare foot into the dirty (but poop free) tub water because then you’ll have to clean the tub in addition to all the floors.
Lesson 8: Clean up the floor immediately, because if you go downstairs to get cleaning supplies and get sidetracked the poop will dry and you will need a plastic knife to scrape it out of the grout.
Lesson 9: By the time you finish scrubbing and looking for remaining rogue poop it will be ridiculously late.
Today’s takeaway: CONTAINMENT. Just let them poop in the tub.
Topics: baby stuff, parenting, unsolicited advice |
April 18th, 2008 at 8:49 am
HA! I remember when I was a nanny in high school and the little fella got great pleasure in the same game Alex is playing now. Whirlpool turns to Caddyshack Doodie reenactment. Funny now, but oh so frustrating.
Anne’s last blog post..Prepare for Take-Off
April 18th, 2008 at 8:51 am
another option - the toilet is right next to the tub. let him hover!
(JP was faced with this dilemma at one point. And with Natalie turning 3 this summer, it is the only time she has ever “used” the toilet at all)
April 18th, 2008 at 8:59 am
Another tip… drain the tub before picking up poop… picking it up with dry tissue is less traumatizing than using a wet tissue, cause then you can ‘feel’ it…
April 18th, 2008 at 10:00 am
I have to admit, picturing all that is making me laugh.
April 18th, 2008 at 10:11 am
OMG! I wish I could have been a fly on the wall! Somehow you have to get his pooping schedule and tub schedule separated.
Vicki’s last blog post..I mowed the lawn
April 18th, 2008 at 12:37 pm
Good to note. Haven’t had that experience yet but I’m sure since I just typed that the little man will surely oblige in the next few days.
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April 18th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
Ack! What a perfectly awesome tragicomedy of errors!
rima’s last blog post..Getting Rid of the Junk in Your Trunk is Damn Hard if You Recycle
April 18th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Another perfectly good life lesson now in blog form!!
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April 21st, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Oh my goodness.
There are times when I feel all wistful and ambivalent about never having had children.
But, well, reading this post… today ain’t one of those times.
But then I have a cat who scoots…
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