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car seat smackdown
By heather | May 2, 2008
rodeo cowboywrestling into the car seat
how often I lose
_____________________________
In this corner, weighing in at 25 pounds we have the freakishly strong and wiry 18 month old - AAAAALLLLLEEEEEXXXX!
In this corner, refusing to reveal her weight because she is 7 months pregnant but let’s just say it’s more than her husband weighs, we have - MMMMOOOOOMMMMMMMMYYYYY!
The challenge: Mommy must avoid pulling a Britney Spears and get Alex buckled into the carseat without either of them losing a shoe, getting hit in the face, or bursting into tears in time to arrive at said designation and be only a little late.
Lately, I dread taking Alex ANYWHERE. I hate picking him up from daycare most of all. As we start the walk to the car, he squirms and tries to make a break for it. I scoop him up, drop him in the carseat, then attempt to get the straps over his arms.
At which point he arches his back, screams, and flings his right arm across his body to grab the left side of the seat in a valiant and usually successful attempt to avoid being strapped in. While I struggle to hook the straps, he uses his mind powers to melt his bones and slide out of the seat, under the straps, and onto the floor which is when he scoots across the back seat to the other side of the car.
Knowing that it will take a while for me to either climb into the car and get him or walk around to pull him out the other door, he uses these precious seconds to look around wildly for escape, often going over the console headfirst into the front seat which is where the buttons and cool stuff reside.
Usually he goes for the front seat when he sees me attempting to climb into the backseat to get him because he knows that once I’ve wedged my pregnant self in it takes a while for me to manuever around, get back out, and get around to the front - allowing plenty of time to move somewhere else.
I’ve tried toys, gadgets, singing, crying, pleading - sometimes all at once. I’ve even tried doing Dr. Harvey Karp’s method of speaking “toddler-ese”, despite the fact that I feel like even more of an ass chanting, “You are mad! Mad, mad, mad!” while I use my knee to hold him in the seat.
It’s like trying to stuff an octopus in a pair of pantyhose.
I tried letting him play in the car for a little while between rounds. I’ve climbed in the backseat and practically sat on him to get him buckled.
It always ends badly - both of us crying and pissed off, me sweating and heaving, him furious and screaming as I drive away.
Now I get it. This is how parents become housebound. I don’t want to go anywhere because even if he goes into the seat on the way there, I have absolutely no guarantee that he’ll get back in for the return trip.
This is why we need drive-thru 7-11s and grocery stores.
When I arrive at daycare to pick him up, I strip off my work clothes and heels before I even go inside preparing for the smackdown. I leave everything, including my keys, in the car so I have both hands free.
I don’t have the stamina for this. As the temperatures here start to routinely reach 80 degrees, which to me already feels like 95,000 degrees, I don’t relish the idea of continuing to wrestle it out in the backseat on hot summer days.
Isn’t there something else I can try? Blindfold? Straightjacket? Duct tape?
Ah the good old days…
Topics: haiku, parenting, toddler stuff |
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:02 am
i remember fighting that battle. and how hard it was and how tough they were!!
transplanting me’s last blog post..maid to love
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:03 am
I love your haikus. I’ve emailed you my response because the psychos would turn me in and take away my children…I’m kidding…only a little.
Vicki’s last blog post..Weird Food Combinations
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:09 am
Sometimes it would help if I let the kids crawl into the carseat by themselves and then rave over what big boys there were. It does take a bit longer but at least I didn’t break my back.
He looks happy in the picture, doesn’t he?
Kathryn’s last blog post..Getting Through
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:28 am
great ‘ku! happy weekend!
jamie’s last blog post..haiku friday ~ aaaachooooo!
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:30 am
I totally understand about weighing more than your husband. At the beginning of my pregnancy, my husband gained some “sympathy weight” but lately he has been losing it again. The other night he was so proud of himself and was bragging that he has lost 20 pounds–making me (at 8 mos. preg.) 10 pounds heavier than him. I just glared at him as he was bragging, until he realized what was wrong and finally shut up!
Cassie’s last blog post..Haiku Friday
May 2nd, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Extreme bribery?? Candy? Snacks? Benedryl??
Miss’s last blog post..Rehab
May 2nd, 2008 at 6:33 pm
oh i feel your pain…. though not for a really long time.
just remember:
this too shall pass!
the planet of janet’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: the cast is die(d) edition
May 2nd, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Haha, you made me laugh at the visual you painted. I count myself lucky that neither twin has an aversion to their carseat.
Love your blog! I will definitely stop in again. Have a great weekend!!!
Karen of Sillymonkeez’s last blog post..Weekend Plans
May 2nd, 2008 at 7:24 pm
That’s hilarious, only from a distance though. I’m sure that struggle in our future. Ugh.
No advice, sorry, but best of luck and let us know when you figure out what works.
skiplovey’s last blog post..Uh oh
May 2nd, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Not alot of advice here because Andrew loves the car and being in his seat…but I would let him crawl in himself if he will do it. Then make a big production out of it and give him an M&M, bribery has always worked for me.
May 5th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Reverse psychology has been working with Natalie lately… Ive gotten her to pretty much undress and dress herself just by making it clear that I did not want her too… she thinks its hilarious to P dad off… Im going to see if it works for mowing the grass this weekend…
May 6th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Too funny… if you’re like me and not a parent. I’m really glad I don’t have to deal with it on a daily basis.
Our cat only needs to ride in the car to go to the vet once a year, and they make carriers for that. You just shove the cat in to this little portable cage and it’s trapped behind bars and can’t cause trouble.
Hmmm…. a product idea is occurring to me…
Crabby McSlacker’s last blog post..Why Can’t You Stick to Your Plan?
May 8th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
That little angel face? I don’t believe it
rimarama’s last blog post..A Little Bit of Voodoo Never Hurt Anyone