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parenting 101-the playground
By heather | May 13, 2008
Today’s parenting 101 class will be an open discussion quiz, with extra credit for class participation.
Question 1. Your playground is divided into two sides, one section for ages 2-5 and the other section for 5 and up. There are a number of gigantic 10-year-olds racing around like banshees narrowly missing your 19-month-old, who is innocently playing in the correct section. Do you:
- go stand and hover within 4 feet of your baby with a mean mama bear look
- do nothing – some of the 10-year-olds are big enough to take you on, which means they probably come from hardy genetic stock (i.e. parents) that could definitely take you out
- protect your schweet wittle shmookums from being run over or knocked down by gigantic ogres and decrease your anxiety level by shooing them away and ask, “Where are your parents?” (Never mind, I see them over there riding on a tiny pig designed for a maximum weight of 50lbs.)
Question 2. If you see a child that is not yours spitting on the ground where your child is playing and could possibly fall and put his hands in it (ugh, Vicki skip to question 3) what is the proper response?
- move to a different area
- leave the playground altogether because you are so disgusted
- yell at the spitter and ask, “Where are your parents?” (Never mind, I see them over there enjoying a Joe Camel right next to the No Smoking sign.)
Question 3. If your child keeps picking up candy trash, and another snot nosed brat informs you around the grape gobstopper in his mouth that “I threw it there, he can have it” do you:
- not waste your breath but ruminate on the decline of society
- look up at the sun and rejoice in the beautiful day after you yourself have picked up and tossed the wrapper
- tell him that trash goes in the garbage and ask, “Where are your parents?” (Never mind, I see them over there grilling and letting napkins and plastic bags blow across the field.)
Question 4a (i.e. the only question so far not about disciplining other people’s kids because Where are the parents anyway?) If your child is playing in a tunnel, and by playing we mean sitting there are you obligated to move him when another child comes up and says, “Moo witta baby I anna go tru.”
Question 4b. If you choose not to move him, what are the odds that he will get pushed or kicked aside and how guilty will you feel, even as parenting mantras like “let kids work it out themselves” run through your mind?
Bonus Question. If you invest in a backyard playset to keep your kid away from all the bad-mannered hooligans, how long will it take for your child to get sick of it and ask to go to the “other playground”? And is the length of satisfaction directly proportional to monies spent on backyard playset? And is this equivalent to protecting your kid from the big bad world making him/her unable to function in future society or is it considered an investment in your sanity?
Topics: parenting, toddler stuff | 5 Comments »
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May 13th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Oh, I love quizzes. My answer to Question 1 is 1 and 3, but more 3. Question 2 is 1 and 3, more 3, I like to yell. Question 3 is 1, at least the child is sharing, not too bad of a decline. Question 4 is move him or he WILL get pummeled, I have experience watching this and other kids will climb, hit whatever, to get what they want…especially when their parents aren’t looking. And the last one, spend a little money and get a nice one they can grow into. You are having another baby, so they both can use it and can beat each other up and spit in unison. At least they will be related.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:31 am
Ooh, ooh, ooh!! Pick me! Pick me!!
1)Number 3. Stand near your kid and shoo them away. Don’t even ask them where there parents are. Tell them, authoritatively, “this is the BABY section. If you’re going to insist on playing in the BABY section then you need to watch out and think about the BABIES.
2) I’m gagging, but I’ll get through it. Once again, Number 3, but don’t ask where there parents are. Tell them, and you can joke with them a little, that that’s really gross and would they mind hocking the loogie in the bushes over there. And why are they in the BABY section.
3)Number 3…”No, he CAN’T have it, it’s trash. You need to throw it in the TRASH can. And why are you hanging around in the BABY section?”
4)”No, he was there first. Please wait for a minute and we’ll share.” If he proceeds to push your kid mutter something threatening under your breath. If he’s big then the obligatory, “why are you in the BABY section?”
5) Invest in the play equipment…if it can be transported if you decide to move. Alex is still pretty young. I’d start off with one of those plastic sets. When he’s older you definitely want things that will make the kids want to be at your house.
Good luck in the jungle.
Vicki’s last blog post..Ode to my mom
May 13th, 2008 at 11:29 am
Oh this was too funny. We just went to the playground and I totally hovered over my almost 1 year old so he wouldn’t get trampled. He nearly steamrolled an 16 month old in a tunnel so maybe I shouldn’t worry so much.
And I’m totally the type to yell at other kids. Yeah I have no qualms about that.
skiplovey’s last blog post..Clearly I wasn’t cut out for modelling, but maybe he is.
May 13th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
This makes my head hurt. Resolve all questions by going to the park when your baby wakes up at the crack of dawn, before all the little brats are out.
Miss’s last blog post..I don’t know what it takes?
September 15th, 2008 at 1:45 pm
[...] for that long in a public place? Or even a 10 year old? A few months back when I asked about playground etiquette I wondered, “Where are the [...]