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parenting 101 – baby talk
By heather | June 2, 2008
Alex, while still a man of few words, has gotten head nodding down. This is useful because instead of creating a tempting buffet every night at dinner, I can ask if he wants a banana or peaches or yogurt and he’ll nod his head yes or no. He is also surprisingly truthful when I ask him if he has a stinky diaper and needs a change.
I’ve suspected for a while that he understands WAY more than he lets on, creating havoc and confusion in my brain as I play the does-he or doesn’t-he game with myself when he ignores me. This game is also useful in convincing myself that I am indeed practicing effective parenting most of the time because when he doesn’t respond, he just wasn’t sure what I was asking, right?
I’ve just now started to realize the many ways I’m being outsmarted.
1. Getting super-duper-excited-whee! when he does something that I tell him to do. I’ve started training him to throw things away and pick stuff up and Swiffer the kitchen. When I say, “Throw your Pamper away” and he does it, I practically turn somersaults.
Therefore, I know he understands when I say, “Let’s change your diaper” or “Let’s go in the backyard” but it’s like he’s playing me…stringing me along until he FEELS like it. Pretending he doesn’t hear.
Solution: I think I need to cool it. This over-enthusiasm is making me seem like a nerdy high school girl gushing at the quarterback and eliciting a response similar to disdain.
2. Asking him questions with a yes or no answer. Ever since he was a baby, Brett and I have been making small talk with him. As in, “Ready to get in the car?” or “Ready to take a bath?”
Lately asking these conversational questions results in a vigorous head shake and race walking away.
It also occured to me that by constantly giving him these choices I’m contributing to the generation of kids who think it’s ok to question or ignore what their parents tell them regardless of topic, thus setting myself up for YEARS and YEARS of arguing over everything.
Solution: Rephrase questions as statements. And stay cool…see number 1.
3. Teaching him all-done. We taught him this sign to be used in the context of “all done eating”. He has, rather quickly, translated this to apply to any situation he doesn’t want to be anymore – in shopping carts, the bathtub, the car seat, the stroller half a mile from the house. The best part is the expectant look I get as he waves his hands, kind of like he is wondering why he’s done the magic sign so why has nothing happened yet?
Solution: Hmmm…explain that we are not quite all done yet and distract his attention? I always vowed I’d never be an “explainer” parent but I’ve broken lots of those judgemental parenting vows that you make before you actually are a parent. Anyway this isn’t quite the same thing as trying to explain why you don’t run into the street.
I have to say, as his comprehension has improved we’ve had less meltdowns in the past few weeks and parenting has gotten more fun. So maybe I’m not doing so bad after all. Don’t worry though, it shouldn’t take me long to find something else to obsess over.
Topics: parenting | 5 Comments »
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June 2nd, 2008 at 2:26 pm
Amen. I’m a firm believer of don’t ask them a yes/no question if you’re not fully prepared to be OK with either answer they give you. I’ve had to coach the grandparents on this one. “Don’t ask, tell.”
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June 2nd, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Oh, you just wait for two…they get more defiant when they can talk back….and whiny. We have had some serious battles the past few months.
The only thing that works for me is a change in the tone of my voice to know I mean business. He has gotten sensitive enough to it that he will give up fairly quickly or scream back at me No. This is a lot of fun in public places. At this age, it is all about them in their world, they don’t understand why they can’t do something so they act out….this too shall pass.
June 2nd, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Good advice. We’re just getting to the communicating phase and already I’m getting the “all done” way more than I’d like. Time to employ #3 I think.
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June 2nd, 2008 at 3:59 pm
dayum, you are really starting to sound like a mommy here.
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June 3rd, 2008 at 4:28 pm