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let’s talk about passive aggressive
By heather | June 16, 2008
Unless you don’t want to. Then we can talk about something else. Seriously…what do you want to talk about?
Passive aggressive behavior lets you dodge unpleasant chores while avoiding confrontation. This has been a subject of much discussion among our little Virginia family branch, as well as the extended Northern branches. Sometimes, I like a good knock down drag out but in general I see nothing wrong with a little confrontation avoidance. The ulcers are usually worth it right?
Dear Security Guard:
You are so nice. I really appreciated that time I forgot my driver’s license and you let me in based only on a credit card with my picture on it, which is totally NOT authorized. However, I’m a little tired of you yelling “We are…” every time I drive through the entry gate. As any self-respecting Penn State alumni knows, you have to answer “Penn State!” as loudly and cheerfully and fanatically as you can - it’s a football stadium cheer. But 8 MONTHS of responding to the stadium cheer almost every day is rather annoying, especially at 8am.
For the glory,
Heather
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Dear Aetna -
I hate you with the power of a thousand burning suns. I hope that one day each and every one of your incompetant employees is subjected to the exact same torture and expense that you are inflicting on me, except with tiny red ants biting their ankles all the while. I am stupider for having talked to your customer service reps and you are trying my yogic patience. Which I was not very famous for anyway.
Curses to you and yours,
Heather
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Dear Alex -
Last year, you loved strawberries and blueberries and cantelope. Now that I’ve spent hours on my swollen feet chopping fresh, seasonal fruit for you won’t you please please stop squishing and popping the blueberries and eat something besides American cheese? And also, not hurling any food but American cheese at my head would be nice too.
Love,
Mommy
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Dear Baby 2.0 -
Let’s talk about your due date. Even though you don’t have a name or a crib, technically full term is 36 or 37 weeks. It would be somewhat awesome if we could make our acquaintence a little early because the whole feet under the ribs thing is really killing me. I promise you’ll have a moniker and somewhere to sleep. Eventually.
Love,
Mommy
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Dear Brett, sweet husband and father of my children -
Please stop “putting away” my shoes by tossing them into the very back dark recessed corner of the hall closet. Because after three turns through the house thinking I’ve lost my ever-loving mind because I KNOW I last took them off RIGHT HERE, I resign myself to to attempting to bend over and reach and finally get down on my knees to try and get them out which is very difficult to do right now as I am about to give birth to YOUR CHILD.
And remember how this morning I told you where your watch and wallet and wedding ring were even though I didn’t put them in said locations, thus allowing you to be on your merry way with a minimum of effort? The next time I can’t find my shoes will be the last time you find anything. Ever.
In sickness and health,
Heather
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Dear Bob -
I just saw your wife at the pool this weekend and she is sooo not fat. You seem to have pretty high standards for everyone but yourself. Maybe you should try working out as much as she does. Here’s a link to a good workout song to get you going.
You think you gangsta-
Heather
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Dear Reader -
I’m sorry I suck at updating lately. My Baby 2.0 watch in the sidebar is never right, and I don’t always respond to your comments. Sometimes I just can’t find the words to express what you mean to me. And also, I’m lazy. I love you. I really really do. But I make no promises. Or ask me no questions and I’ll tell no lies. Or something.
Still trying to find my atman-
Heather
Topics: deep thoughts...or not |
June 16th, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Wow, you were funny not pregnant, but really funny pregnant. Tell Brett to quit hiding your shoes…or better yet, hide his shoes and tell him to bend over with a beachball in his shirt. But if he comes up for the draft in August, I solemnly swear as your friend to hide his stuff all weekend with a straight face saying, “I have no idea where your stuff is”
June 17th, 2008 at 2:11 pm
You’re a really, really good letter writer. I got a kick out of those
rima’s last blog post..Home Sweet Temporary Housing
June 17th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
“in sickness and in health” - hilarious.
I have to say I’m a compulsive put-awayer myself but I do manage to put them back in their home. If they’ve got a home. If not, look in the junk drawer.
Keep up the funny.
skiplovey’s last blog post..Things that are better on tv than in real life:
June 18th, 2008 at 12:35 am
Oh yeah, passive aggressiveness, love it. I practice it a lot. Very funny letters by the way.
Vicki’s last blog post..Giraffe Kisses (with tongue) and Elephant Poo
June 21st, 2008 at 10:24 am
This is so cute! I write about living with a passive aggressive spouse. It’s always interesting to me to read other’s take on the subject. This was very enjoyable.