« this is why i don’t write a blog about finances | Main | drive »
this is my brain on facebook
By heather | October 24, 2008
For a long time I didn’t understand the appeal of social networking sites. Then one day I heard that facebook makes you use your REAL NAME and immediately my competitive juices started flowing…I had to get on there and grab MY NAME before someone else with MY NAME got it!
Huh.
Turns out there can be more than one user with a name.
I still win since I own my name in www domain form, an achievement that took years of watching and waiting for the former owner to drop the ball and let it expire, which they did and now it’s mine-all-mine. This way when I’m famous I won’t have to pay some squatter insane amounts of money to turn it over.
(Really? You don’t own yourname.com? You should go get it cause you’ll feel bad when you have to pay some 14-year-old a lot of money to give it up when you become a movie star…)
Anyway, I am facebook-marked, LinkedIn, Tagged, my nayme is on Naymz, and myspaced-out. Given this wealth of experience, let me explain to you how I use each to further my blogging career and enrich my life (cough, cough).
LinkedIn – someone tell me what the hell this site is for and who actually uses it. My contacts include my dad, who forgot he had an account until I stumbled on him; recruiters, who email me with completely inappropriate jobs; and all my facebook friends, who are also clueless about how LinkedIn will help them find a dream job when their contacts consist of all the same people they forward jokes to during working hours.
Tagged – Again I have no idea, but they have been emailing me for 6 months, informing me that my sister-in-law is waiting for me to confirm that we are friends and that as soon as I do I’ll be issued my regulation pinney so I can play too, and by the way my SIL is very hurt that I haven’t responded yet so if you want to have any fun at Thanksgiving you better be her friend NOW dammit.
Naymz – this one just has a shady URL and I haven’t ever visited it, although someone over there also has very hurt feelings because I have not confirmed that I know them. I’m thinking this is LinkedIn’s trailer-trash wanna-be cousin. Which really isn’t saying much.
myspace – exists to let you experience what your grandparents felt when you forced them to listen to hip hop music – it’s so noooiiiisy I can’t focus and just want..to…make…it…stop. On myspace, you’ll find the people who spend the weekend drunk dancing on bars, and those who are not yet old enough to go to bars.
Poor grammar, flashing ads, slutty and/or drunk pictures, and obnoxious backgrounds are the hallmark of myspace. Also, you’ll likely get hit on by random people – this actually happened to me from a GIRL who was “lonely” and “moving to my area”. I had to write her back and tell her I was very sorry but that we don’t swing and even if we did, she is younger and possibly prettier than me so NFW.
facebook, I’ve heard, is for the thinking individual – older, established people looking to create “networks”. Or so the media tells me. Over here at facebook we have theoretically learned to spell check and you shouldn’t need the urban dictionary to decipher updates.
But the best part? Is that you can be friends with people that you haven’t thought about for a single second since you graduated from high school 15 years ago and you can voyeuristically read about them and look at their pictures and decide if your kids are cuter and if you make more money.
In the last two months or so, I’ve had a flurry of requests to be my friend. I have nearly doubled my friend count, which is important because when you are on maternity leave and you are fat and haven’t brushed your teeth, having 65 friends and more who WANT to be your friend makes you feel pretty.
I’m still learning about facebook and leaving presents and taking quizzes. I’ve only recently started updating my profile on a semi-regular basis with pithy one-liners about what I’m doing.
Unfortunately, I’ve also learned that I’m a dork. I leave comments that are dorky. I post updates that make me cringe as soon as I hit post. I am the equivalent of a “Heeeeyy baaaaybeee” coming from a dude in a red Firebird or a Miata convertible with tight jeans and white sneakers.
At least though, I’m not sending those STUPID lil’ green patch requests because really, do you honestly think you are planting trees in the rainforest? Corn in Iowa maybe and oh yeah, Bill Gates will be sending you a check any day now with your Micro$oft money for forwarding email. So just stop…I don’t care that this plant is native to New Zealand and is used as a hallucinogen in kangaroos.
So, wanna be my facebook friend? We don’t have to actually ever talk or even like each other, it’s very low commitment, and I promise I won’t look down on you for your hobbies or poor taste in music. Much.
Topics: bloggity blog, technology | 3 Comments »
Tags:
October 28th, 2008 at 9:14 am
I don’t have quite the network of social networks that you have. But I am on facebook. With my real name. (I do have a friend who goes by Namey McName on facebook. It may shock you to learn that this is not her real name…)
I looked for you, but there are too many who share yor name…
I’m just starting to really appreciate fb. It helps me feel connected to folks I never or rarely see. But I just ignore most of the random things people throw at me. My real life is cluttered enough.
alejna’s last blog post..10 Classics of Pants Horror Cinema
October 29th, 2008 at 9:34 am
[...] this is my brain on facebook [...]
October 29th, 2008 at 9:51 am
I feel the exact same way about myspace. It’s like the redneck version of social networking. And I hate all the pet, plant, gift crap on facebook. I hesitate to write that down because one day I’ll probably get sucked in. Wait, no I won’t.
Vicki’s last blog post..Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto