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ashamed
By heather | April 23, 2009
today i allowed myself to be degraded. i allowed someone more senior than me to minimize my skills and experience in front of my co-workers and my boss under the alleged guise of appeasing a client. while it was happening i sat there even as my boss defended me, a little disbelieving, listening to this person power tripping and wasn’t really bothered by it because, i told myself, my self-confidence can take it, i understand that its just business. then i drove home and within thirty minutes blew a fuse at the first sign of mischief from a two year old who was doing nothing but being two. and as i thought about it afterward, i started to get mad.
mad at myself for allowing it to happen and not speaking up, mad at myself for not thinking of the right thing to say until it was too late, mad at myself for not realizing right then and there that i don’t want to be part of business that’s conducted that way.
to him and all the men in the world who think they can control me and downplay what i can do i say FUCK YOU. YOU DON’T TELL ME NO. i won’t know you in five years and you’re not important to me now. so why do i save my shit for the people that love me and let you get away with putting me down? some self-preservation instinct perhaps? because if i could rewind four hours and be in that same situation, knowing what i’ve just realized in the past two, it’s likely my career would be crashing and burning right this very moment.
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April 25th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
Ugh. What a sucky situation.
I get frustrated, too, when I take out my anger on the people I love instead of those who deserve it. Ugh.
Sorry you’ve had to deal with this crap at work.
alejna’s last blog post..sock it to me
April 27th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
Oh I am so the same way about thing like that although I’ve never had such a serious take down as that. I wish I would more combative and fly off the handle type.
Definitely a lesson for moving forward.
April 29th, 2009 at 12:35 pm
I am so sorry you had this experience. Is it a woman thing? That we take in loads of crap and not say a word, and then beat ourselves (while we’re down) for not speaking up? I’m angry with you, those jerks…
Holly’s last blog post..Okay. NOW that Fest.