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what is 2 exactly?
By heather | June 24, 2009
Alex is 2 years and 8 months. He constantly tests me, to the point that I have to physically walk away from him so as not to spank him. As if he knows exactly how far he can go, sometimes he’ll chase me as I walk away hitting me the whole time, daring me to do something. He goes out of his way to hurt his sister, to the point that I cannot take my eyes away for a second. He hits, spits, he kicks, is rude at the table. Refuses to apologize, talks back. Some days it feels like I spend every atom of energy trying to teach him right from wrong with time-outs, disciplining, counting 1-2-3.
Thank God for this blog, where I can go back and read entries about the way things used to be, that remind me he is mine, my child, my first baby. Every night for at least the last three weeks we put him to bed, he gets up. Back to bed, gets up. Lock the door and he screams to the point of hysteria, waking Emily Kate and rattling the house as he pounds on the door. This goes on for hours. We’ve tried ignoring, he comes down the stairs. Yelling is wasted breath. It has become a dance, a game, and any way you look at it, it sucks.
My friend C summed it up today when she told me she was praying to Jesus to find out what the return policy was on her 2 year old.
Sometimes though, when he chooses to be he is adorable. Articulate, soft-spoken, protective and sweet. Amazing me with details he notices, and fetching things without being asked. It’s like he doesn’t know who he wants to be.
I was going to write about how it’s probably my fault because I put him in daycare all day, but I think for the first time I’m past that. Because if I stayed at home, it would really be my fault, right? No one to blame but myself. So there’s no one and nothing
to blame, it is what it is.
Topics: Alex | 6 Comments »
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June 25th, 2009 at 6:33 am
Ha ha….it is my fault. I hate to break this you, but 3 is worse. Usually once a day, I tell Andrew he will be lucky to make it 4. I call him a demon spawn and Sybil behind his back.
June 25th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Perhaps it is a boy thing? I think it is the XY chromosome rearing its head trying to find out how indestructable he really is. I thank God for your blog too, I am taking notes.
Anne’s last blog post..It is a baby boy!
June 25th, 2009 at 2:59 pm
I think Alex has totally won my heart… which is totally going out to you right now! I have a few thousand posts just like this in 2005-2006.
Here’s the good news: it will be SO MUCH EASIER with Emily Kate because you’ll know what’s coming. (And yes, I’m sorry to say, but 3 makes 2 look like a cakewalk.) Not that 4 and 5 provide much more improvement… just more mental mindbending.
For what it’s worth, this is what helps me: giving myself a time out when I lose it (I am a screamer) and doing so clearly in front of the kids so that they know I make mistakes, too… and NOT BACKING DOWN. Will and I once had a stare-off for like an hour. I can’t even remember what it was over, but I do know that afterward he realized I was serious and it wasn’t ever an issue again. (Kate, on the other hand, doesn’t get the hint the first time and just gets creative for the next attempt.) I also go with the “three basket” approach — one basket are the things that are non-negotiable (holding an adult’s hand crossing the street, for example), the second is for negotiable things that aren’t life threatening but might not be my first choice (wearing the superman costume to school, as a real-life example); and then the third for things that really don’t matter (like maybe wearing clothes that don’t match to school). I dunno how helpful for others, but it helps me keep my personal control things in check with what is really okay for them to explore supportively, if that makes any sense.
Parenting changes considerably at around 2 1/2… it’s really about “parenting” as opposed to preventing accidentally injury. (It changes again at age 5, though I’m not exactly sure to what yet… advocacy, maybe?)
June 25th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Also, the other I have to add is to be consistent, if you say you are going to do something as punishment, then do it. And some people may disagree with this, but having your child be a little bit frightened of you and know you will mean business helps too. A certain tone of voice works well with me and a look, Andrew knows a certain look I get and he will try on his own to amend the situation with me and say he is sorry. Alex might be too young for that now, but he will get it eventually that if he does something and spends alot of time in time out or in his room, that it will get old eventually. It is really a battle of the wills that you have to win.
June 26th, 2009 at 2:08 pm
By the way, he does look awfully cute curled up on the floor, with his little feet under him.
Anne’s last blog post..It is a baby boy!
June 28th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
I feel your pain. Ashlyn is one big ball of challenge, with a soft center that shows itself randomly. Two books that helped us with Reagan were Dare To Discipline by James Dobson and Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Kevin Leman. We’ve gotten The Strong-Willed Child to read for Ashlyn, but yeah, it’s packed in boxes somewhere. It need to be the first thing we unpack. We’ve never done the 1-2-3 counting thing because when do they ever respond at 1?