I can’t control the situation, only how I react to it. 

The problem is as soon as Halloween is over, I start to feel the familiar holiday aversion creep over me.  The transition from warmth and joyousness of all things fall to cold and dark winter settles like a blanket over my psyche and usually manifests as foot-dragging everything holiday related.

Never feeling like I’ve done enough, decorated enough, not having found the exact perfect present for someone, the crush of commercials and glitter - all of it overwhelms me.  I used to feel an obligation to make sure that we spent equal amounts of time with both families and that resulted in driving all over the great frozen north, calculating down to the minute who what and where we’d be and pleasing no one, especially not myself.

In my mind, I am still 19 (aren’t we all?) so it seems unbelievable that I now have a responsibility to start our own holiday traditions for our children.  I want to do it, but in some backward sense starting your own traditions is hard – it almost feels disloyal to what you did as a child.  And by the time I think of something, I’ve usually waited too long and it’s too late.

By February, all of the above combined with the weather and self-inflicted pressure culminates every year in a semi-breakdown.  I’m not sure what it is about that time of the year, but I’m much more likely to have days where I can’t get out of bed, heart racing anxiety, panic attacks, random irrational crying, and even physical symptoms like migraines and unbearable shoulder and back pain.

For a lot of reasons, finally this year I’ve lost most of the guilt.  I’m trying so hard not to fall down, get spun up, or feel like I’ve failed before I even start.

This year I want to change how I react.

I’ve gotten so many great ideas on so many things from blogging so I ask, please share with me some ideas for new traditions.  Tell me what you do with your kids or spouse that you look forward to every year.  Or even what you’re planning to do and maybe didn’t get to last year but definitely will this year.  I’m already doing better by the mere fact that I still have plenty of time to implement and we have no travel plans after Thanksgiving.

(As a preemptive note, I will be without Internet for FOUR DAYS.  Moment of silence…  So if I don’t respond to your comment right away, that’s why – it will be read and responded to when I get back, likely with shaky typing fingers and hallucinations from blog withdrawal.)